Friday, March 8, 2013

Your bitter goodbye is ringing through this quiet night,
This idle hour just wont pass.
I've never missed you this much, never thought I would,
Didn't think you'd feel so far away.
Your summer perfume is still blowing through this hallway, 
Autumn's amber red shadows dance.
I miss our midnight rides, on highway 18, 
18 is gone.

So go past the lights and all the excuses.
You could have left, sincerely yours.
Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
But anything too daring to say to you, 
Will be said in this letter, then burned away,
So you never realize, I'm here.

I'm thinking of your vague reply,
So I can understand,
Why we put this at rest,
Why we forget to, 
Say that we were leaving,
And say that we were sorry,
The past remains unspoken,
As this vacant night is dying.

But I still miss your summer perfume.
This cold air brings in such a distance to us,
Such a painful distance.
But I'm still waiting for you to say, you hate me now,
So I don't have too.
Hold on to this burning heart,
This burning heart is getting old,
It's getting old. 
While sitting on this cold kitchen floor, 
Head down to hide the tears, 
I've realized, I've finally realized,
That you were never,
You were never meant, for me.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Love someone the second you get out of bed because it’s the hardest time to do so. The spell you built together all morning is broken and now you can decide whether or not you hate them. They are so vulnerable laying there with their little naked body under the covers, giving you hopeful stares. You could destroy them with a single glance if you wanted to. Please don’t though. Please choose to love them.
Love someone when they’re drunk and it looks like their face is melting and they’re stuffing food in their mouth, sauce dripping down the sides. Your body will recoil because you’ll think for a split second that you fell in love with an animal instead of an actual human being. They are so unattractive in that moment, so pathetic, so lost, like a loveless ape, but I want you to love them regardless because you know this isn’t who they really are and because it only takes three glasses of wine for a beautiful person to become ugly and that shouldn’t be enough to leave you cold. When you carry their heavy lifeless body to bed, look at them when they fall asleep and try to remember the person you adore. Please choose to love them.
Love someone when they’re insufferable, when they hate their job and hate their friends and seem to hate everything in their life except for you. You might lose respect for them, you might look at them as if they’re weak and can’t stand on their own two feet, but I want you to try to push those thoughts out of your brain because the fact is that this happens. People get stuck in their life and they look around and only see one thing that makes sense to them. It doesn’t make them weak or co-dependent, it just makes them human. Don’t fault them for things that are largely out of their control, don’t have your attraction hinge on how great their life seems to be going.Choose to love them.
Choose to love them when they say your least favorite word, choose to love them when they have a day when they need you more than usual, choose to love them when they smell like shit, choose to love them when they aren’t well, when they aren’t the able-bodied picture of beauty they were when they met you because people never stay the way you want them to. You should know that.
Growing up, I thought falling in love was just something people did to distract themselves from dying. It was like getting a tattoo; having a boyfriend or a girlfriend was a way of branding yourself and letting people know that you were valued and that you were important. There was something inside of you that made you better than the average person.
Now I know that, in many ways, I was right from the very beginning. But the kind of love I understood when I was younger is not necessarily the “correct” kind of love. That kind of love is paper-thin and it will wash away. However, every time you choose to love someone despite the bullshit, you are making it stronger, you are painting a fuller picture. By choosing to love, you are accepting the flaws and ugliness that comes along with something beautiful. You are understanding just how life works. TC Mark

Friday, September 28, 2012


I cannot wait for the last day of September to be here.
We are going to have super yummylicious ice-cream!!!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


haha.. everything that has been happening for the past few weeks just makes me wanna go for a simple 'haha'.

should be approximately right after I have mentioned about him having no initiative, he still doesn't have any initiative. Okay, I maybe too hard on him (no pun-intentions) he did call me soon after and talk about the matter - just because he was confused as well and could not go to bed. Genius! I am quite glad that the issue have kind of settled on a mutual understanding between both of us. haiya, he still hasn't asked me out. I have to always make the first move. tsk. However, I think we are doing fine? I do not know if that punctuation is appropriate.. So if you would like to be k-po and ask how are we two going about.. let me fill you in and give you a draft timetable:

Monday - Whatsapp
Tuesday - Whatsapp
Wednesday - Whatsapp
Thursday - Whatsapp
Friday - Whatsapp
Saturday - Whatsapp till a later time
Sunday - Whatsapp till a later time, as compared to Saturday
(& sometimes I initiate to meet on Sundays)

p.s/ if you are living in stone-age. fyi, Whatsapp is a messaging tool running on 3G technology available on Apple, Blackberry, Andrioid & Windows phones.

I think I am kind of a vulnerable person when it comes to relationships. Just to clear the air, I do not need a title to a relationships I am in. You like then 'like' luh! But I guess I am pretty much a needy person. If I am into you, I would like to spend a lot of time together. That is probably the only thing that I would kind of expect in a relationship. But I am not getting that. haha. I also feel like when I am into someone, I do a lot of things for that person. Yes yes, I am kind of a sentimental person. Oh well.. Things always do not go the way you want it, isn't it so?

Surprise!! Recently, was the boy's birthday. I baked cupcakes and all, cheesy max. At least, I did not bake a cheese cupcake. I could tell that he was appreciative - happy thing (yay!). The cream icing was so horrible to eat but he enjoyed the cake. His friends celebrated for him with an alcoholic party. It was mad cray! He left in the style of batman. tsk tsk tsk. Go figure.

"who am I to you?"
"I don't know you tell me."
"I asked you first"
"it doesn't mean that I will have to answer you first"
                "what do you mean by who are you to me?"
                          "like as a person?"
"oh nvm"
"just say"
"who am I to you luh"
"hahahahahaha I don't know..."
(you get the drift and hidden agendas)

Oh gawd please save the queen. Now you would like me to DTR? haha I know times have change and whatnots. I still believe in the traditional way whereby the guy would actually ask the girl first and the guy admitting before the girl does. That is more appropriate right?

Am I too headstrong that all guys are kinda "afraid" of me? Why do I have to be the guy in every relationship I am in.
(I literally sighed after typing that sentence)

its exactly what I told my mother, Singaporean boys these days are really really different from her generation. There is indeed no 'elegance' in men these days. I do not even like calling them men anymore, all of them are boys to me.

back to him. I feel comfortable with him 'cept the fact that he is all just skins and bones & he keeps telling me that he likes a fatty me - SIAO ONE! This kind of guy SIAO ONE! Where to find? haha
We can talk I would say? Yes/No? Alright luh. I just love sitting by him and let time pass us by..

if you are in love with someone, you two can just sit somewhere, in silence, a few small talks, flirtatious behaviours, nothing more - simple pleasures in life.

Monday, September 10, 2012

brave up

staying a little confused in this whole situation that is going on its like I wouldn't wanna call it a game because I do not treat this like a game and I think now I have actually decided.

I might wanna take this seriously.

 after whatever that has happened and we have actually been communicating for the pass week or so and I do not see where this is going. am I over-thinking things? cause I actually do that a lot. people do not have be good at anything to have feelings for somebody. it just takes the heart.

is it me? me, that have not actually played a part of this __ relationship that I have been imagining the whole time. or are we in a situation whereby we are just shy/embarrass/introverted/egoistic/... but I am quite sure. quite sure that there definitely is something between us. some days we are just so cute together. some days we are just speechless. all the other days just mundane. I like all our days.

please ask me out? the frugal you don't have to spend any money.

I am seriously getting impatient and I do not know if I will wanna wait for your next move or if I would wanna stay on and reconsider my feelings for you. I know you have never been through such a thing and you will need time. courage is what you need, that I really do not know if its true. I am actually ready for something new to happen in my life would expect someone new in my life. there, I said it. go figure.

things cannot stay stagnant forever.

we have got to move on.

what happened to that person that held my hand under those sheets?

I guess I'll just be waiting..


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

if only....

... I was tall enough
... rich to be a bummer
... I can travel everyday
... leave whenever I feel like it
... I do not have to work under someone
... bake all day
... I can start something on my own
... things would not need large capitals
... I can quit my job now
... my family problems are much simpler
... I am what everyone imagined me to be

and hello again.. I just came back from the land of canto-pop - it has been changed to the land of mainland invasion. They are just everywhere!
I miss Hong Kong already.
I wanna live there forever!!! (I know I say that for every country I come back from) The food there is really a-maz-zing! The people does need a little encouragement and some mannerism. However I must say, the standard of living there is really up there. Like up-there. No-kidd. 
the Hong Kong boys are no joke as well. (so are the girls) I like seeing all the gangsters and the bright lights in the city. I need to know a Hong Kong civilian. I would really want to check out how their homes look like. Everything in this country is just mini. Walking isn't simple there, the foot paths are 凹凸不平, makes your feet go all wobbly after a full day of walking. To be on holiday with the aunts is awesome based on financial terms, everything else.. lets not even go there. HAH!

I will not leave my couch today.


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